| rahhhhhh |
[
January 13th @ 7:49am
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im back in london and feeling worse than ever. had the most emotional plane ride back, just thinking about my family and dom and all the great memories the past 3 weeks brought and not wanting to start school and meet people and do work. that was monday. on tuesday i woke up, had a bowl of cereal, dressed up wanting to go for practical stepped out of the house and called gina and realised class was cancelled. went home, got to hear your singing for a bit before sleeping and then had to wake up very unwillingly to go for tax (which i think will be extremely helpful for my future work). the walk to school and back was cruel. fucking cold. kept thinking to myself why the heck am i in london and not singapore or phuket. really hate it. came home and i slept from 4pm all the way to 1am. housemates cooked dinner for me and i didnt even wake up to eat. got to talk to jie who told me my parents are quarrelling which made me feel even shittier and went back to sleep abit and here i am now, not hungry despite not having lunch and dinner and not wanting to go anywhere but just hide under my sheets. i dont know how a 13 hour flight can cause such a drastic change in my mood and its not even the first time im coming back here. there is nothing to look forward to here. i am just waiting for june. and i am all alone here to face this shit.
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[
December 13th @ 5:44pm
] |
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unhappy, bored and unsatisfied.
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[
December 13th @ 5:14pm
] |
things to do for self in singapore:
go to church
go home practice guitar and come back to london and buy a better one
bake, cook, bake, cook
learn to knit?
pass driving
be a better daughter
eat eat eat eat eat :D
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[
November 22nd @ 6:27pm
] |
so i'll never forget.
FOREVER.
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| london round 2 |
[
October 24th @ 12:01am
] |
i guess i have been pretty productive in the past month that im back in london.. ive started french evening class, joined jazz vocal groups, performed in the UCL 24 hour dance show, after tmr i would have watched 3 more musicals (chicago, hairspray and billy elliot), done up my considerably nice room, cooked for the household several times (rather successfully), skyped dom regularly, started playing touch and.. spent 75 pounds on asos (well they had free delivery for purchases 75 pounds and above hee)
things to look forward to:
worship central in oxford, greenwich, ucl boat party (what should i dress up as!?), devon, stockholm, ocf retreat to sunbury, ingrid michaelson concert (shiwei cant believe you wont be here with us to watch her :( ), going home, bintan! i still need to fill my calendar with alot more activities!!
things i need to do:
buy film for holga and start experimenting (jie i took it to london, you said okay right!), er.. research on internship matters?, book trips, study!!!!, lose some weight so that i can win ze competition :D . . .
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| FOR YOU DOM |
[
October 2nd @ 10:46pm
] |
HELLO!!!
you found it you found it.
will +1 on the counter :)
V
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| lightning, clap clap |
[
September 16th @ 3:24pm
] |
if a boy had a chance, a chance with someone like you
are you gonna break his heart, let him cry for the moon?
are you hiding somewhere behind those eyes?
oh I had a dream, for a moment I believed it was true
oh, I’d have given anything just to be there with you
are you hiding somewhere behind those eyes?
I just freeze every time you see through me and it’s all over you
ELECTRIC BLUE
in too deep, I’m standing here waiting as I’m breaking in two
ELECTRIC BLUE
I can see, can see that it may be just a vision of you
ELECTRIC BLUE
on my knees, help me baby, tell me what can I do
ELECTRIC BLUE
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| panda porn! |
[
August 17th @ 3:04pm
] |
just read this on straitstimes.com.. its regarding extinction of pandas in china due to destruction of habitats AND "the animals' notoriously low libidos".
"Breeders have resorted to tactics such as showing them 'panda porn' videos of other pandas mating, and putting males through 'sexercises' aimed at training up their pelvic and leg muscles for the rigours of copulation."
WTF RIGHT!?!?
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[
August 17th @ 2:31pm
] |
i am sad because:
shiwei is leaving :(
my new friend from iras (whom i have just gotten to know a little better) is leaving for another internship next week
clare is sad
i cannot drive in singapore legally (AND illegally) before i leave this summer
i have been feeling very lonely lately
i dont like work
i am fat
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| SOOT AH SOOT AH!!!! |
[
June 29th @ 12:06pm
] |
im back in london, feeling rather miserable cause im all alone.
travelled ALONE for the first time yesterday. walked to the bus station at lyon and didnt know where the proper entrance is so had to climb over some barrier. when i got on the bus, the driver asked me QUEL AGE but i didnt understand it at first (I AM VERY SAD THAT I HARDLY PUT MY FRENCH TO USE WHEN I WAS IN FRANCE. the only thing i managed to ask for was a la plage and la gare..i need to revise! ) but anyways i think he charged me the cheaper fare= i look young. then i landed at gatwick. brits are truly very irritating. they opened like 7-8 counters for UK and EU passport holders and only 5 for "THE REST OF THE WORLD". hello, firstly, UK and EU citizens probably get pass without much checking cause the immigration staff are super racist and always taking damn long to interrogate people who look indian/middle eastern. and hello, obviously there are more people in the rest of the world category then UK and EU right. and because immigration clearance took so long (an hour plus), by the time i got to the baggage claim area, they werent showing the belt number for my flight anymore. so i panicked but in the end i managed to find it. rushed to catch the next easybus (cause i obviously missed the one i booked) and i had to take a freaking airport transfer to another terminal. i am never flying to gatwick again.
i just cant wait for the rest to arrive tmr and then go shopping AND THEN GET ONTO THE FREAKING PLANE TO GO HOME!
my trip was good.
berlin, prague, salzburg, vienna, venice, rome, pisa, florence, milan??? (haha), nice, monaco, lyon.
down point at rome where we had shitty hostel (NEVER EVER STAY AT IVANHOE) small room, cold showers, crazy receptionist, spoilt aircon. met shiwei and friends at salzburg, which is the prettiest place and the place we all liked the best! watched sound of music for the first time in my life there and then did the sound of music tour. i dropped my camera in salzburg though and had to resort to using disposable film cameras for the rest of the trip (im hoping the photos turn out good). lost hell lot of things on this trip. towel (yes i dont know how a towel can mysteriously disappear), water bottle and MY FREAKING GLOBAL PASS TRAIN TICKET. i left it on the sleeper train and the bloody italians refused to help me get it back. luckily i lost it towards the end of the trip i just had to buy one new train ticket.
maybe will blog more about the trip when i get back to singapore. shall make myself happier by lunching at hare and tortoise later. ALONE though :(
i really hope to be able to drive by the end of the next 3 months
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| omg. another entry. |
[
May 12th @ 3:40am
] |
was listening to this that day and just bursted out crying.
(i always randomly start crying when i watch sad/touching videos or listen to emo songs.
but i guess this means abit more than normal sad videos/songs)
its by wangleehom btw.
ive been listening to chinese songs alot recently while studying.
makes me half emo half happy.. cao ge songs make me happy and sunyanzi ones are the EMOEST!
cant wait to go k after exams
深夜
机场冷清
好安静
我终于看见了你
穿着风衣提着行李听着md 走来走去
回忆
钻进心里
全是你
我走过去抱紧你
你的声音你的芙容你的泪滴回到我怀里
你答应我今天飞来
带着你迟来的真爱
就飞过大海
带爱情回来
今天看见
永远的第一天
终于实现
我和你的诺言
时间将一切拉远
爱在心里
没有改变
今天看见
爱飞过地平线
让我说完
我对你的誓言
这是另一个起点
我一定爱你到永远
(ooh今天看见爱的第一天)
回忆
钻进心里
全是你
我走过去抱紧你
你的声音
你的笑容
你的泪滴
回到我怀里
你答应我今天飞来
我要在这一杪中说i love you…wu baby
说永远不分开
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| 5 more days and i cannot tahan! |
[
May 9th @ 7:42pm
] |
<3:
studying in school,going up to the 7th floor,taking study breaks eating cup noodle outside 7/11,playing the piano in lt/music room,watching the boys play floorball in the class,going to school on weekends to study in the canteen,going to 6 ave to study(and eat my kids pasta/salmon breakfast set with the damn nice cranberries salad),eating cold storage ham/honey glazed chicken, staying there till late and then having my dad fetch me home.
FUCKING HATE STUDYING IN LONDON, BEING STUCK IN HALL 24/7, I WANT TO GO HOME NOW! I AM DEPRESSED!
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| smile, and move on. |
[
April 27th @ 5:19pm
] |
If you love someone,
If you love someone, ask them for nothing. Don't hold them back from their
destiny. Don't keep them from going off in search of their own answers. Don't
ask them for commitment. You will know commitment is real when it is
something given willingly, and not as something obligatory. Don't ask them for
promises. If you are patient, if you have faith, you will know in your heart
when the right time for promises has come.
And when that time arrives, then you will see that you have both lost nothing
by setting each other free, and have instead gained a richer, fuller life, a wealth
of experiences, and a stronger certainty of your desires.
But should they not return to you, then life hasn't cheated you because no
promises were broken. Your bitterness will not last long, and you will feel
thankful and blessed that at the very least, this beautiful soul has colored
your life, that knowing them has already made life infinitely more meaningful.
By setting a person free, you run a risk of them not returning. But always
remember that you found them beautiful precisely because they were free.
People are like sunlight. You can feel their warmth, and their glow, but you
can't hold them in your hand and keep them with you forever. People CHOOSE
to stay. But a choice is made more meaningful when it is made despite so
many other options. Love has no restrictions and it is through mistakes that
sometimes we see the right answer. Because if you love someone, you ask
them for nothing and they will come back to you. .
yes shan, koped it from you!
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| dashboard is nice lor |
[
April 23rd @ 8:02am
] |
So this is odd.
The painful realization that all has gone wrong,
And nobody cares at all.
And nobody cares at all.
So you buried all your lover's clothes,
And burned the letters lover wrote,
But it doesn't make it any better.
Does it make it any better?
And the plaster dented from your fist,
In the hall where you had your first kiss,
Reminds you that the memories will fade.
So this is strange.
Our sidestepping has come to be a brilliant dance,
Where nobody leads at all.
Where nobody leads at all.
And the picture frames are facing down.
And the ringing from this empty sound,
Is deafening and keeping you from sleep.
And breathing is a foreign task,
And thinking's just to much to ask,
And you're measuring your minutes by a clock that's blinking eights.
This is incredible.
Starving, insatiable.
Yes, this is love for the first time.
Well, you'd like to think that you were invincible.
Yeah, well weren't we all once before we felt lost for the first time?
Well, this is the last time.
This is the last time.
This is the last time.
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| francais, non! |
[
April 23rd @ 5:01am
] |
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since i've been encouraged to learn to express my feelings better (came to a conclusion that i find it difficult to convey my emotions to people) i shall blog, especially since there are so many things going through my mind now. i will try.
there are too many reasons why i should stop looking at fashion blogs. but i have an obsession with looking at skinny people and nice clothes. even if i will never look like them and can never afford some of the clothes i see. it is quite sad to know that you will never become ano hahaha. why do some people look like they do not have to study/work at all. i want to have a star on my neck. and i want that korean model's short hair. but i can't cause god gave me curly hair (and no you cant have rebonded short hair hahaha)
i may be dreaming about the ideal apartment/house too much. i need to be more practical and really look at more options before fixating my eyes on one. bye netley (yy i am okay. it's okay just that no more picnics in the garden hahaha) i really hope that we find the right one soon. shit. having images of how to decorate the house/my own room/having dinner parties/having housewarming again. stop fantasizing! btw it feels very adult-ey to look for flats.
do not run back to someone just because of familiarity and because you feel lonely. it is not an option anymore. no more. in case you've forgotten, three months is over.
sometimes, i think that there is no passion in my life. i never fight for anything that i like. i let everything slip out of my fingers too easily. i do not put my faith as the centre of my life, i easily stop pursuing what i like to do and too many friendships i've allowed to fade away...
and lastly, the true reason why i am feeling so shitty. fucking exams. i am usually more motivated than this. everyone says that at the end of the day i will do well and damn it, i do want to prove everyone right and get first for every module (buddy, i am very inspired by you!) but i know that that is just way too impossible. i refuse to look at my handphone to see what time it is (ie how much time i have wasted staring at this computer screen since dinner time (but i successfully self-confiscated my laptop yesterday by letting shiwei bao guan for me) and btw my computer time is singapore time and my brain is not so mathematically inclined that it does self-calculations on its own so therefore, yes i am in self denial. but whatever it is, the guilt of not studying makes me feel cui, when i feel cui, i dread studying even more, and then i feel even more guilty and ... vicious cycle. and just realised that if i am going to waste time, i might as well do more productive things (like go shopping!) rather than slacking in my room using the bloody internet. as of now, life sucks. looking foward to singapore day though. painted my nails red in preparation of it already :)
maybe i should go watch xiaxue now. will feel momentarily better (she's damn funny) but then will be guilt tripping afterwards. ah, fuck care.
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| je suis paresseux |
[
March 25th @ 4:49am
] |
i wonder why i stopped blogging. i guess i felt i preferred sharing my thoughts and feelings with my friends instead of publicly displaying them to random strangers. but tonight, while blasting my itunes through the earphones and not hearing any other sounds besides my new fav singer's voice, i suddnely feel alittle small, a little lonely, and so im typing in this white space now. im having many random thoughts running through my mind now. about how i should have bought that ticket to go home for easter. about how gongsy has to go for surgery and my sister wants to. about how i hardly talk to my parents although i really did miss my mum alot that day when htb had their mothers day service and children gave their mums daffodils and heart shaped keyrings. and at the back of my head, there is the lingering reminder that i have to study for french oral exam NOW. i wonder why our exchange of emails is so shortlived. i really am very happy to receive emails from you. half looking forward to amsterdam trip. going to take away abit of this what-am-i-doing-with-my-life feeling. well at least for 3 days. i want to go ulu to swim! but i dont want to pay 4 pounds 50 for that. i want to be studying at 6 ave coffebean although i hear from hudi that they dont allow studying there anymore. im trying to transition into this new life now and in my heart i really want it to work out. but sometimes, i dont know if its really waht i want/if i like it/if i can take it. it makes life.. hard. every hought that you have/every word you speak is so restricted because theres this guilt lingering even though i know that i have alrady been liberated from that. thinking about the conversation with christine and shiwei. our biological clock is ticking and we really dont have much time left. i need to get married and have kids!!! no point in packing my room because it returns to its no-walking-space state the next day. i am such a failure at being neat. i have random imaginary images of my next year's apartment. i think its going to be very fun! i also want to have a takeshi!! can i can i??? 200 pounds is not too ex for a guitar right???? i just watched slumdog. how can anyoone love someone for so long. and is love really enough to pay the bills? (haha you and i- song of the moment) i need to add more colour to my wardrobe! shopping on friday! i cant wait. havent stepped into topshop for way too long though ive been to topshop.com way too many times. playing touch is happifying. although my ugly side is totally revealed when i play.sighs. very bad. need to learn to control temper! i want to go back to hongkong. for some strange reason. just to listen to rowdy hongkies talk, or to eat 大家乐, MAYBE to see por por before i dont have a chance to anymore. big sighs. dont really understand how i am feeling right now.
i like the lyrics to this song.
city love-john mayer
I never liked this Apple much
It always seemed too big to touch
I can't remember how I found
My way before she came around
I tell everyone
I smile just because
I got a city love
I found it in Lydia
And I can't remember life before her name
She keeps a toothbrush at my place
As if I had the extra space
She steals my clothes to wear to work
I know her hairs are on my shirt
I tell everyone
I smile just because
I got a city love
I found in Lydia
And I can't remember life before
The day she called up and came to me
Covered in rain with dinnertime shadowing
And as her clothes spun we spooned
And I knew I was through
When I said, "I love you"
Friday evening, we've been drinking
Two A.M. I swear that I just might propose
But we close the tab
Split a cab
And call each other up when we get home, yeah
Falling asleep to the sound of sirens
I got a city love, oh
And I found it in America, oh oh oh
From the battery to the gallery
It's the kind of thing you only see
In scented, glossy magazines
And I can't remember life before her name
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| duo life |
[
January 18th @ 6:36am
] |
i have been trying to figure out why my life is compartmentalised into two different geographical locations. just because im a thousand miles away, the friendships, relationship and familial ties im engaged/involved in become distant, strained and non-existent. i have lost all contact with my parents except for a very random email from my dad showing me a funny video his colleague sent him. i havent talked to my sis much online and instead have been sending and receiving offline messages even though shes in germany where its only an hour ahead of london time. i have a totally different circle of friends here even though 3 people from my singapore clique is in UK, two in london, and i hardly meet up with them (except for tong whos staying in the same hall as me). my ldr ended. i havent talked to any of my friends who are back in singapore ever since i got back to london and i hardly talked to my friends who remained in london when i was in singapore. i attend church and ocf regularly here in london but once i get back to singapore, the only time i went to church was for christmas service at jingyu's.
surely the problem lies with me. i see friends skyping with their parents everyday, friends who are willing to work hard to sustain a long distance relationship and obviously friends who are not lukewarm, double life christians. i have admittedly made very very minimal effort in keeping things the same but i just seem to be absorbed into the current life im leading.
maybe this is just the result of me being homesick. like they said, the second bout of homesickness is always worse right...??
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bminuse's journal
to feed the appetite of those who complain that nobody on their friends page blogs, i shall post this. 
