| gongsy |
[
June 11th @ 11:41pm
] |
my sister wrote this:
you will soon turn white as snow your vision foggy and your movement impaired. you will no longer come wagging when i call for you, nor will we ever play fetch again. in the past whenever you were given a new toy you would stand infront of his cage showing it off while you watch him go crazy, but soon he will be jumping all over you while you lie there helpless and dejected. i have watched you grow as you have me. when that day really comes where you no longer have the strength to stand up, we promise that euthanisia will not be on the list of things we can do for you. you wouldn’t euthanise a family member just because she lost the ability to walk so why would we do that to you. but perhaps its our one sided selfishness and you really do wish for death, then grant us our selfishness because we’re not ready to let you go yet. But at least you are blissfully unaware of your impending predicament so that each “walking” day you have you will live to the fullest. Can’t wait to see you soon!!
:(
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[
April 28th @ 5:51pm
] |
"Yes, I Gas Dogs and Cats for a Living. I'm an Animal Control officer in a very small town in central North Carolina. I'm in my mid thirties, and have been working for the town in different positions since high school.
There is not much work here, and working for the county provides good pay and benefits for a person like me without a higher education. I'm the person you all write about how horrible I am.
I'm the one that gasses the dogs and cats and makes them suffer. I'm the one that pulls their dead corpses out smelling of Carbon Monoxide and throws them into green plastic bags. But I'm also the one that hates my job and hates what I have to do.
First off, all you people out there that judge me, don't. God is judging me, and I know I'm going to Hell. Yes, I'm going to hell. I wont lie, it's despicable, cold, cruel and I feel like a serial killer. I'm not all to blame, if the law would mandate spay and neuter, lots of these dogs and cats wouldn't be here for me to gas. I'm the devil, I know it, but I want you people to see that there is another side to me the devil Gas Chamber man.
The shelter usually gasses on Friday morning.
Friday's are the day that most people look forward to, this is the day that I hate, and wish that time will stand still on Thursday night. Thursday night, late, after nobody's around, my friend and I go through a fast food line, and buy 50 dollars worth of cheeseburgers and fries, and chicken. I'm not allowed to feed the dogs on Thursday, for I'm told that they will make a mess in the gas chamber, and why waste the food.
So, Thursday night, with the lights still closed, I go into the saddest room that anyone can every imagine, and let all the doomed dogs out out their cages.
I have never been bit, and in all my years doing this, the dogs have never fought over the food. My buddy and I, open each wrapper of cheeseburger and chicken sandwich, and feed them to the skinny, starving dogs.
They swallow the food so fast, that I don't believe they even taste it. There tails are wagging, and some don't even go for the food, they roll on their backs wanting a scratch on their bellys. They start running, jumping and kissing me and my buddy. They go back to their food, and come back to us. All their eyes are on us with such trust and hope, and their tails wag so fast, that I have come out with black and blues on my thighs.. They devour the food, then it's time for them to devour some love and peace. My buddy and I sit down on the dirty, pee stained concrete floor, and we let the dogs jump on us. They lick us, they put their butts in the air to play, and they play with each other. Some lick each other, but most are glued on me and my buddy.
I look into the eyes of each dog. I give each dog a name.
They will not die without a name.
I give each dog 5 minutes of unconditional love and touch.
I talk to them, and tell them that I'm so sorry that tomorrow they will die a gruesome, long, torturous death at the hands of me in the gas chamber.
Some tilt their heads to try to understand.
I tell them, that they will be in a better place, and I beg them not to hate me.
I tell them that I know I'm going to hell, but they will all be playing with all the dogs and cats in heaven.
After about 30 minutes, I take each dog individually, into their feces filled concrete jail cell, and pet them and scratch them under their chins. Some give me their paw, and I just want to die. I just want to die. I close the jail cell on each dog, and ask them to forgive me. As my buddy and I are walking out, we watch as every dog is smiling at us and them don't even move their heads. They will sleep, with a full belly, and a false sense of security.
As we walk out of the doomed dog room, my buddy and I go to the cat room.
We take our box, and put the very friendly kittens and pregnant cats in our box. The shelter doesn't keep tabs on the cats, like they do the dogs.
As I hand pick which cats are going to make it out, I feel like I'm playing God, deciding whose going to live and die.
We take the cats into my truck, and put them on blankets in the back.
Usually, as soon as we start to drive away, there are purring cats sitting on our necks or rubbing against us.
My buddy and I take our one way two hour trip to a county that is very wealthy and they use injection to kill animals.
We go to exclusive neighborhoods, and let one or two cats out at a time.
They don't want to run, they want to stay with us. We shoo them away, which makes me feel sad.
I tell them that these rich people will adopt them, and if worse comes to worse and they do get put down, they will be put down with a painless needle being cradled by a loving veterinarian. After the last cat is free, we drive back to our town.
It's about 5 in the morning now, about two hours until I have to gas my best friends.
I go home, take a shower, take my 4 anti-anxiety pills and drive to work.. I don't eat, I can't eat. It's now time, to put these animals in the gas chamber. I put my ear plugs in, and when I go to the collect the dogs, the dogs are so excited to see me, that they jump up to kiss me and think they are going to play.
I put them in the rolling cage and take them to the gas chamber. They know. They just know. They can smell the death.. They can smell the fear. They start whimpering, the second I put them in the box. The boss tells me to squeeze in as many as I can to save on gas. He watches. He knows I hate him, he knows I hate my job. I do as I'm told. He watches until all the dogs, and cats (thrown in together) are fighting and screaming. The sounds is very muffled to me because of my ear plugs. He walks out, I turn the gas on, and walk out.
I walk out as fast as I can. I walk into the bathroom, and I take a pin and draw blood from my hand. Why? The pain and blood takes my brain off of what I just did.
In 40 minutes, I have to go back and unload the dead animals. I pray that none survived, which happens when I overstuff the chamber. I pull them out with thick gloves, and the smell of carbon monoxide makes me sick. So does the vomit and blood, and all the bowel movements. I pull them out, put them in plastic bags.
They are in heaven now, I tell myself. I then start cleaning up the mess, the mess, that YOU PEOPLE are creating by not spay or neutering your animals. The mess that YOU PEOPLE are creating by not demanding that a vet come in and do this humanely. You ARE THE TAXPAYERS, DEMAND that this practice STOP!
So, don't call me the monster, the devil, the gasser, call the politicians, the shelter directors, and the county people the devil. Heck, call the governor, tell him to make it stop.
As usual, I will take sleeping pills tonight to drown out the screams I heard in the past, before I discovered the ear plugs. I will jump and twitch in my sleep, and I believe I'm starting to hallucinate.
This is my life. Don't judge me. Believe me, I judge myself enough."
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| summer, please come soon! |
[
April 4th @ 4:24pm
] |
i hope all these materializes:
exams end!!
find house
brighton
belgium (finally!!!) mussels beer and chocolateee
turkey
spain
morroco
wimbledon
home
work in hongkong
oktoberfest!!
okay, first i need to study!
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| rahhhhhh |
[
January 13th @ 7:49am
] |
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im back in london and feeling worse than ever. had the most emotional plane ride back, just thinking about my family and dom and all the great memories the past 3 weeks brought and not wanting to start school and meet people and do work. that was monday. on tuesday i woke up, had a bowl of cereal, dressed up wanting to go for practical stepped out of the house and called gina and realised class was cancelled. went home, got to hear your singing for a bit before sleeping and then had to wake up very unwillingly to go for tax (which i think will be extremely helpful for my future work). the walk to school and back was cruel. fucking cold. kept thinking to myself why the heck am i in london and not singapore or phuket. really hate it. came home and i slept from 4pm all the way to 1am. housemates cooked dinner for me and i didnt even wake up to eat. got to talk to jie who told me my parents are quarrelling which made me feel even shittier and went back to sleep abit and here i am now, not hungry despite not having lunch and dinner and not wanting to go anywhere but just hide under my sheets. i dont know how a 13 hour flight can cause such a drastic change in my mood and its not even the first time im coming back here. there is nothing to look forward to here. i am just waiting for june. and i am all alone here to face this shit.
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[
December 13th @ 5:44pm
] |
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unhappy, bored and unsatisfied.
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[
December 13th @ 5:14pm
] |
things to do for self in singapore:
go to church
go home practice guitar and come back to london and buy a better one
bake, cook, bake, cook
learn to knit?
pass driving
be a better daughter
eat eat eat eat eat :D
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[
November 22nd @ 6:27pm
] |
so i'll never forget.
FOREVER.
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| london round 2 |
[
October 24th @ 12:01am
] |
i guess i have been pretty productive in the past month that im back in london.. ive started french evening class, joined jazz vocal groups, performed in the UCL 24 hour dance show, after tmr i would have watched 3 more musicals (chicago, hairspray and billy elliot), done up my considerably nice room, cooked for the household several times (rather successfully), skyped dom regularly, started playing touch and.. spent 75 pounds on asos (well they had free delivery for purchases 75 pounds and above hee)
things to look forward to:
worship central in oxford, greenwich, ucl boat party (what should i dress up as!?), devon, stockholm, ocf retreat to sunbury, ingrid michaelson concert (shiwei cant believe you wont be here with us to watch her :( ), going home, bintan! i still need to fill my calendar with alot more activities!!
things i need to do:
buy film for holga and start experimenting (jie i took it to london, you said okay right!), er.. research on internship matters?, book trips, study!!!!, lose some weight so that i can win ze competition :D . . .
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| FOR YOU DOM |
[
October 2nd @ 10:46pm
] |
HELLO!!!
you found it you found it.
will +1 on the counter :)
V
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| lightning, clap clap |
[
September 16th @ 3:24pm
] |
if a boy had a chance, a chance with someone like you
are you gonna break his heart, let him cry for the moon?
are you hiding somewhere behind those eyes?
oh I had a dream, for a moment I believed it was true
oh, I’d have given anything just to be there with you
are you hiding somewhere behind those eyes?
I just freeze every time you see through me and it’s all over you
ELECTRIC BLUE
in too deep, I’m standing here waiting as I’m breaking in two
ELECTRIC BLUE
I can see, can see that it may be just a vision of you
ELECTRIC BLUE
on my knees, help me baby, tell me what can I do
ELECTRIC BLUE
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| panda porn! |
[
August 17th @ 3:04pm
] |
just read this on straitstimes.com.. its regarding extinction of pandas in china due to destruction of habitats AND "the animals' notoriously low libidos".
"Breeders have resorted to tactics such as showing them 'panda porn' videos of other pandas mating, and putting males through 'sexercises' aimed at training up their pelvic and leg muscles for the rigours of copulation."
WTF RIGHT!?!?
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[
August 17th @ 2:31pm
] |
i am sad because:
shiwei is leaving :(
my new friend from iras (whom i have just gotten to know a little better) is leaving for another internship next week
clare is sad
i cannot drive in singapore legally (AND illegally) before i leave this summer
i have been feeling very lonely lately
i dont like work
i am fat
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| SOOT AH SOOT AH!!!! |
[
June 29th @ 12:06pm
] |
im back in london, feeling rather miserable cause im all alone.
travelled ALONE for the first time yesterday. walked to the bus station at lyon and didnt know where the proper entrance is so had to climb over some barrier. when i got on the bus, the driver asked me QUEL AGE but i didnt understand it at first (I AM VERY SAD THAT I HARDLY PUT MY FRENCH TO USE WHEN I WAS IN FRANCE. the only thing i managed to ask for was a la plage and la gare..i need to revise! ) but anyways i think he charged me the cheaper fare= i look young. then i landed at gatwick. brits are truly very irritating. they opened like 7-8 counters for UK and EU passport holders and only 5 for "THE REST OF THE WORLD". hello, firstly, UK and EU citizens probably get pass without much checking cause the immigration staff are super racist and always taking damn long to interrogate people who look indian/middle eastern. and hello, obviously there are more people in the rest of the world category then UK and EU right. and because immigration clearance took so long (an hour plus), by the time i got to the baggage claim area, they werent showing the belt number for my flight anymore. so i panicked but in the end i managed to find it. rushed to catch the next easybus (cause i obviously missed the one i booked) and i had to take a freaking airport transfer to another terminal. i am never flying to gatwick again.
i just cant wait for the rest to arrive tmr and then go shopping AND THEN GET ONTO THE FREAKING PLANE TO GO HOME!
my trip was good.
berlin, prague, salzburg, vienna, venice, rome, pisa, florence, milan??? (haha), nice, monaco, lyon.
down point at rome where we had shitty hostel (NEVER EVER STAY AT IVANHOE) small room, cold showers, crazy receptionist, spoilt aircon. met shiwei and friends at salzburg, which is the prettiest place and the place we all liked the best! watched sound of music for the first time in my life there and then did the sound of music tour. i dropped my camera in salzburg though and had to resort to using disposable film cameras for the rest of the trip (im hoping the photos turn out good). lost hell lot of things on this trip. towel (yes i dont know how a towel can mysteriously disappear), water bottle and MY FREAKING GLOBAL PASS TRAIN TICKET. i left it on the sleeper train and the bloody italians refused to help me get it back. luckily i lost it towards the end of the trip i just had to buy one new train ticket.
maybe will blog more about the trip when i get back to singapore. shall make myself happier by lunching at hare and tortoise later. ALONE though :(
i really hope to be able to drive by the end of the next 3 months
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| omg. another entry. |
[
May 12th @ 3:40am
] |
was listening to this that day and just bursted out crying.
(i always randomly start crying when i watch sad/touching videos or listen to emo songs.
but i guess this means abit more than normal sad videos/songs)
its by wangleehom btw.
ive been listening to chinese songs alot recently while studying.
makes me half emo half happy.. cao ge songs make me happy and sunyanzi ones are the EMOEST!
cant wait to go k after exams
深夜
机场冷清
好安静
我终于看见了你
穿着风衣提着行李听着md 走来走去
回忆
钻进心里
全是你
我走过去抱紧你
你的声音你的芙容你的泪滴回到我怀里
你答应我今天飞来
带着你迟来的真爱
就飞过大海
带爱情回来
今天看见
永远的第一天
终于实现
我和你的诺言
时间将一切拉远
爱在心里
没有改变
今天看见
爱飞过地平线
让我说完
我对你的誓言
这是另一个起点
我一定爱你到永远
(ooh今天看见爱的第一天)
回忆
钻进心里
全是你
我走过去抱紧你
你的声音
你的笑容
你的泪滴
回到我怀里
你答应我今天飞来
我要在这一杪中说i love you…wu baby
说永远不分开
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| 5 more days and i cannot tahan! |
[
May 9th @ 7:42pm
] |
<3:
studying in school,going up to the 7th floor,taking study breaks eating cup noodle outside 7/11,playing the piano in lt/music room,watching the boys play floorball in the class,going to school on weekends to study in the canteen,going to 6 ave to study(and eat my kids pasta/salmon breakfast set with the damn nice cranberries salad),eating cold storage ham/honey glazed chicken, staying there till late and then having my dad fetch me home.
FUCKING HATE STUDYING IN LONDON, BEING STUCK IN HALL 24/7, I WANT TO GO HOME NOW! I AM DEPRESSED!
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| smile, and move on. |
[
April 27th @ 5:19pm
] |
If you love someone,
If you love someone, ask them for nothing. Don't hold them back from their
destiny. Don't keep them from going off in search of their own answers. Don't
ask them for commitment. You will know commitment is real when it is
something given willingly, and not as something obligatory. Don't ask them for
promises. If you are patient, if you have faith, you will know in your heart
when the right time for promises has come.
And when that time arrives, then you will see that you have both lost nothing
by setting each other free, and have instead gained a richer, fuller life, a wealth
of experiences, and a stronger certainty of your desires.
But should they not return to you, then life hasn't cheated you because no
promises were broken. Your bitterness will not last long, and you will feel
thankful and blessed that at the very least, this beautiful soul has colored
your life, that knowing them has already made life infinitely more meaningful.
By setting a person free, you run a risk of them not returning. But always
remember that you found them beautiful precisely because they were free.
People are like sunlight. You can feel their warmth, and their glow, but you
can't hold them in your hand and keep them with you forever. People CHOOSE
to stay. But a choice is made more meaningful when it is made despite so
many other options. Love has no restrictions and it is through mistakes that
sometimes we see the right answer. Because if you love someone, you ask
them for nothing and they will come back to you. .
yes shan, koped it from you!
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| dashboard is nice lor |
[
April 23rd @ 8:02am
] |
So this is odd.
The painful realization that all has gone wrong,
And nobody cares at all.
And nobody cares at all.
So you buried all your lover's clothes,
And burned the letters lover wrote,
But it doesn't make it any better.
Does it make it any better?
And the plaster dented from your fist,
In the hall where you had your first kiss,
Reminds you that the memories will fade.
So this is strange.
Our sidestepping has come to be a brilliant dance,
Where nobody leads at all.
Where nobody leads at all.
And the picture frames are facing down.
And the ringing from this empty sound,
Is deafening and keeping you from sleep.
And breathing is a foreign task,
And thinking's just to much to ask,
And you're measuring your minutes by a clock that's blinking eights.
This is incredible.
Starving, insatiable.
Yes, this is love for the first time.
Well, you'd like to think that you were invincible.
Yeah, well weren't we all once before we felt lost for the first time?
Well, this is the last time.
This is the last time.
This is the last time.
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bminuse's journal
to feed the appetite of those who complain that nobody on their friends page blogs, i shall post this. 
